One of the ways I volunteer is by being a judge for contests. I have been one for many years. I also critique stories at Critters.org.
Some of the things that I find with stories:
Stories that have a good deal of narrative and thoughts from the protagonist often are so much in the character's head that they forget about the body and surrounding setting. I am a total minimalist about setting, but houses have doors, people sit in chairs, they eat with help from objects. People move. If there are many people, are they all sitting on top of the protagonist's head?
Some of the things that I find with stories:
Stories that have a good deal of narrative and thoughts from the protagonist often are so much in the character's head that they forget about the body and surrounding setting. I am a total minimalist about setting, but houses have doors, people sit in chairs, they eat with help from objects. People move. If there are many people, are they all sitting on top of the protagonist's head?
Many writers forget about using a hook. Provide surprise as often as you can. If I sit very long inside my house, I have to get up and go someplace else. If I go to your book, please don't make me sit inside my house, let me see something worth going to visit.
Stories with too many characters tend to have characters that seem like paper dolls, you might color in their hair and eyes but you know little about what they would do confronted with something eating them (mosquitos included).
Too many words--many manuscripts I've read could be reduced by 1/3 or more without any loss. Authors should systematically write for a market of 5000 words, then cut it to 3000 and see if they miss anything. Question why the reader needs to know about a characters noodle nightmares in your romance.
It is not a good way to get the reader better in touch with a character the protagonist is interacting with by jumping into their heads and sharing their thoughts. People on a day to day basis interact with people--husband's do more than smile or kiss wives. Their faces change expression. I can list all of my husband's behavior from pacing around me when he needs exercise, nagging at me when I make too much of a mess, getting hot when his blood pressure is up, turning red when angry or I make him blush, grabbing me around the neck when his hip locks up and he needs a little bit of support. Love your characters enough to notice how they react.
It takes 1/2 hour to an hour to read a store and then the same to write up the critique. The benefit for me of judging and critiquing is that I learn the mistakes other writers make, but I also learn what some of the top writers are working on. This gives me a good background in what stories really are and why we like to read them--something new, something said well, something that touches the emotions, something that tak
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